I HAVE JUST finished talkinng to the Fysiiotherapist and I have been iformed that my left armand legprobably never will get better again. this is a heavy blow and I do not know how to takke it.Everything seems so pointless now. perhaps there will be little improvements but nothing major. as of now, I am dead qeight to everybody around me.I honestly do not know what to do next, as there is no way to pick up my life again...
frank
Please, dear Frank. You know that isn't true. I can hardly understand how depressed you must feel right now, but know that no one considers you dead weight. Know that your friends would rather see you in your wheelchair than go to your funeral. Know that you are loved. Know that you are an amazing person. And that many people love you.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenLove, Ellen
Frank, total rubbish! Yes, you will not be your old self again, but who is, after a certain age? Concentrate on what you still can do, not on what you cannot do anymore. Part of your brain is gone, sure, but not the important part, the part which makes Frank the eminent historian and the fun as well as erudite friend, the guy I chose to be my best man. It's OK to mourn what you have lost, but never, ever consider yourself useless again. You are not!
BeantwoordenVerwijderenRemember Nelson!
Niek
Are the wheelchair bound veterans and friends you know dead weight? no.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenIf one of your friends was partially paralysed and would tell you that they are just dead weight now, would you agree with them? no.
So tell yourself what you would tell your friends. You are anything but useless. You are the fantastic intelligent person you always were, handicapped or not.
Will things change? yes. Will life be more difficult than before? yes. But you have already seen that there is a lot you can still do. The things you care about, writing, reading, going to the museum and Casus Belli, they are all still there. There is so much of your life that you can pick up again.
I can't say something that will make it all alright. You've lost something and it hurts, more than I can imagine. But Frank, things will look better than they do now. And you will never never NEVER be dead weight to your friends. You are to me the same amazing friend you have always been, and I am so so lucky to have you in my life.
lieve Frank, ach wat kan ik me voorstellen hoe je je voelt. Of misschien wel eigenlijk niet... maar dat dit @#$%!!*** voelt dat geloof ik direct! En dat je even niet weet wat je met dit soort onheilstijdingen moet, en hoe je het moet duiden, dat geloof ik ook direct! Het is ook waardeloos! Maar beloof me 1 ding: gun jezelf de tijd om een andere vorm te vinden! Wij allemaal volgen je op dat pad! Wij zoeken met jou die vorm! Maar daarvoor moeten we onszelf en jou vooral de tijd gunnen om weer opnieuw te gaan leven binnen de grenzen die er zijn. En jij wijst ons de weg! Afgesproken? En dat dat met toppen en dipjes gepaard gaat is okay, maar we gaan wel door! Veel liefs van ons allemaal! Marieke
BeantwoordenVerwijderenDear Frank,
BeantwoordenVerwijderenIt is definitely a hard time now with all that has happened, the struggle currently still going on to get better and accepting having limitations. I understand it's very difficult to look at the future and see all the possibilities and good things still ahead in your life but they are there and waiting for you.
My father had a stroke when I was three years old and my brother on his way. In the beginning he was totally paralyzed and with long and hard therapy he got one side of his body mostly back. He wend thru much of the same struggle, wanting to play football and go places with us, which at that point, he could not imagine how. He also felt he was a dead weight for us and everyone around him. However HE WAS NOT A DEAD WEIGHT AND NEITHER ARE YOU! Some of the things we did, fathers who weren't limited didn't/couldn't do with their family. He also enriched us with his knowledge and even just by being there.
You are a great guy, with great humor, fun to be around and an amazing story teller with huge knowledge about history and "wansmaak" :) You enrich the lives of everyone around you.
Yes, there are many things that seem impossible now, and some probably stay that way. However you are a very intelligent person and like my father you will learn to overcome many of the difficulties ahead and will still be able to do uncountable things and continue to enrich the lives of your family, friends and people yet to meet.
Hope to see you again soon!
Love,
Frank.
Frank,
BeantwoordenVerwijderenI might not be close to you as many of the others that posted a reply but I have known you since I was about three years old... that's about 27 years! I know what you mean to Mathieu and I always LOVED your (history) stories! I myself have certain limitations (fybromyalgie (weke delen reuma) + ME/CVS (chronisch vermoeidheid syndroom) + something the doctors say they are to stupid to comprehend yet), ALTHOUGH I wouldn't DARE compare them to your struggles! My life has changed drastically over the years, but believe me when I tell you even with your "handicap" life is sooooo worth living... you just need some different expectations and enjoy the little things you totally missed out on before, because you never had the time to notice... All easier said than done, I know... there is and will be a grieving process. But that is okay too!
I have also noticed that although I tended to think less of myself, others DO NOT! They understand and love you anyway! And don't ever forget what makes you Frank is your soul, your brain and NOT what you can or cannot do. And THAT is all still there! So try not to be too hard on yourself!
You have also made tremendous progress so far, so you know what? The doctors get it wrong all the time... positive thinking is extremely powerful: the doctors are still amazed I do the things I do... if I can do it so can you!!!! Hey maybe you'll find a new hidden talent or something! I am a firm believer that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger... It might not seem like that at the moment, but I am sure sometime in the future you will look back and think "OKAY". Just look at all the people rallying around you... did you ever expect that?!
In the meantime! Keep giving it the wellie you've been given it.
I'll try to do my bit and hopefully cheer you regularly with my butchering of Munchkin cards!
Take care!
Angie
here's another one that doesn't know you that well.. and I can understand you are feeling depressed. Just know that others are there for you and support you. Nobody would ever think of you as a dead weight, you know. That would mean that a functional body is all there is to a person.. and you don't really think that!
BeantwoordenVerwijderenKeep on keeping on, and remember the alternative is worse.
Saskia